wight

I'm afraid the snake has been talking to that person. He's been sneaking up and whispering, "God is stingy. He dangles that beautiful fruit called marriage before your eyes and won't let you have it. He refuses you the only thing you need for deep personal growth, the one thing in all the world that would solve all your problems and make you really happy."

I've been feeling pretty much tired by my mind from 'what if.'

There was a pattern that I felt anxious about where I started feeling more than friends with a male friend.

I have a strong intuition and sometimes it is right, sometimes it is completely wrong. 

But it is hard to get off my imagination and expectations. Maybe this is the time I need to cut it off completely. I do not know the man's heart but only God knows until the man tells me how he feels. 

I cannot control the time for the me to tell me either so what should I do?

This thought started playing around in my head and dragged me down, eventually, I had to cry out to God, please save me from myself!

Then I felt this idea that I should read one of my spiritual mum's books, Elizabeth Eliot's 'Passion and Purity'. Then discovered that section.

I believe that I've been listening to the snake's voice that God will hurt you again and you will be fine but it will be painful. Well, is it true? Is it God who hurts me? God was the only one who always protected me in fact. 

I should read this book again and reorientate my perspective on God.