Remembered my prayer

I prayed in the past that I want to meet the man who needs me and who that I need.

I've been studying anxiety and panic disorder as I have been going through this issue for 3 years so far. Now I'm able to see who is optimistic and who is not. Who needs attention or who hates themselves. 

The guy, that I'm interested in seems like an anxious man. He shakes his hands when he gets anxious and his mind goes blank when lost. The benefit from this is I could know that he is also interested in me as well. 

I heard last year that one of my colleagues knew him through Uni. She said he got rejected when he proposed to her previous girlfriend, not literally rejected but she didn't say anything about whether yes or no because they were too young and she wasn't sure what to say.

I imagine, in fact, I cannot imagine how bad the trauma would be, as a woman. For me, it was easy to tell someone that I liked without knowing that it was an unattractive thing as a female. I did it anyway and it was because expressing how I feel is very important to me. I see it as the beauty of human beings that we can share our feelings with each other. Also, it requires honesty, this is another value I treasure a lot.

As I was more assured that he is an anxious man, I started to doubt if he is the right person. I mean we are still friends but you know we should consider this kind of aspect. And the Lord kindly reminded me what I was praying about.

 

I want the man who needs me so that I can help.

We often want to find someone already completed, and perfectly suitable for me. This is only focusing on me, me, me idea. The marriage that I want, the future that I wanna feel good. Perhaps marriage is about growing, helping and 'becoming' together with the brokenness and weakness. 

What makes the marriage beautiful? The journey that both men and women take together, ups and downs, happy and unhappy, reflect and accept. 

Christ was willing to take up the cross and obey God although he was perfect and sinless. We learn about his life together and become more like him together. It sounds really difficult and I believe it will be but hard things are better than easy things in our lives.

So I shall say Yes to the Lord if he needs me.